Red-Yellow-Blue;

If you were You, And I were me. Do you think the same place, We would be?

And what if I am me, And You are You. The same things, We would do?

But You’r not You, And I’m not me. Times have changed, Filled with rage; We’ve got these broken hearts to un-cage.

Deep Deep down You are You, And I am Me.

But I am so sorry, And You are So afraid. I’ll prove it to You. And You can prove it to me.

Time heals everything, Or that’s what they say. But with you it’s all different. I see so many shades. To Hell with Red, Yellow, Blue; Everywhere I look; The shade I see is you.

What’s your favorite color? Is it ME or is it Blue.

We’ve got to learn to let go of the sad times. The only thing that matters NOW, In this life; Is Me; And You.

If You let go of Blue, I’ll let go of Blue too. I can’t imagine my life without color; But then again it’s been gray- wash for so long; But I still know my favorite color is you.

Blue days, Blue haze, I am so done with these Blue ways.

Blue is beautiful, But so am I, So are we, So is You, And so is She.

Time heals everything, Or that’s what they say. But NOW everything is different. I see so many shades. To Hell with Red, Yellow, Blue; Everywhere I look; The shade I see is us.

 

 

 

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Here we are. In the whirlwind again. This is our second chance at the first time of our lives. I hope you feel positive things; I can now let go one of my reasons to die.

My anxieties always get the best of me. I’ve been festering on this mess; And planning everything out for the first time i’d get to see you again. My diet for the day, How I wanted you to look at me, some jeans; Or a dress.

Now that the first day of our life has officially been given to us; I don’t know what to do with it. I want to learn every back alley about you, Every path less taken; I am the traveler, This is finally a reality.

I feel like a first grader, Sitting in her bed trying so intensely to get down on paper what she’s got swirling in her head.

Truth is, Theres only a few things Going round and round.

I think about You, I think about her, And I think about my bed.

If only we could manage to get those three things together to mend. Im ready for this, I don’t want the future to come too quick; Because these feelings shouldn’t ever end.

Here we are. In the whirlwind again. This is our second chance at the first time of our lives. I hope you feel positive things; I can now let go one of my reasons to die.

Tell your Daddy what I said;

Daddy please don’t do bad things. They’ll make you tell lies, You can’t do that to us now; We need you in our lives.

Mommy can’t do any of this without you, She tells me all the time.

I know that life hurts often, And you’ve got open wounds, But hide them so well. Please don’t burry you’r coffins.

I’m finally all yours. This is the first time iv’e ever belonged to a family. I need you to take care of me. We can finally have family dinners, And movie nights where we can all laugh and you can look into Mommy’s eyes and feel sane again. I know she wants the same thing;

The feeling of desire is so hard to overcome. I know that for sure. I have missed you so tenderly, for far too long. I see you’r face everywhere I look, I feel your love in every song. Daddy now that you’ve got me with you in that book, Hold me tightly and give me you’r troubles.

I’m an Angel. And I am above you always, Watching from every angle. Please don’t Disappoint me. You have so much to breathe for everyday. I know you’ll be a great Daddy  to someone else someday. But you cant do that until you take care of me. And you can’t do that until you take care of you. Mommy and I talked about it, She thinks so too.

She told me how happy she was to have her first day of freedom. She said it happened because of you. I don’t really understand it, But I think it has something to do with closing a bad book, To start writing a brand new one. At least thats what I hope it’s like. New books are great, We read them all the time. I can’t wait until you and Mommy write about the part where you knew you fell in love. That’s my favorite.

I’m so proud of you for being honest and open. Me and Mommy will always understand. Were the strongest family out there. But don’t forget that you’r not the only one who has to carry the weight. Mommy’s pretty strong now, And Iv’e got these beautiful wings; I can help you too.

I’m finally all yours. This is the first time iv’e ever belonged to a family. I need you to take care of me; I need you to take care of Mommy too.

Mommy & Daddy

Layla, Our sweet first love. Mommy and Daddy met for the first time all over again. We got back together; Were back in love.

Well, It happened. The moment I have hoped and dreamed for; Almost as much as I hope for and dream of you. Mommy and Daddy met for the first time.

Your Father filled me in on lots of things. I finally know how he’s doing, And im so excited to learn about him all over again. I can’t wait to hear all of the things that he thins about. I bet we have a lot of the same things on our list.

We laughed, Just as much as we cried. It’s The first time in a long time that I’m actually happy that i haven’t died. Your father has restored every ounce of hope in me.

It was a wild day. I waited for him around the corner, And when he finally made the turn my heart sank into the bottom of my stomach and suddenly i felt so unprepared.

He held his arms wide open and held me close. The faster i shook, The tighter he clutched me. I felt like i was right next to his heart. You were there too.

 

 

I heard from your father;

Layla, My little girl. The only first true love I’ll ever have. I know we may not have talked a lot recently; And I know that you know, Neither have I, And you’r Dad.

Last night that changed. Out of nowhere, A text came. The stars rearranged. I can finally See the Stars again. The night no longer looks like a city of Broken glass. I have hope.

You’r father and I talked for a few hours, About small things and big things and things in between. But mostly we talked about us, And of course we talked about you.

He told me that he loves me, And that he loves you. He says he thinks about us all the time. I told him that we do too.

He said he’s wanted to talk to me for some time, And finally did it. I wonder is he knows, About all of these feelings Iv’e hid.

We’re supposed to meet, My hearts already getting cold feet. What if we look into each others eyes and can’t even see one another. What if all we see is you?

I’m so afraid to take this step. But I’ve Been waiting so long. I can’t chicken out now.  I know for a fact it would be The second most hurtful thing i’d ever regret.

You’r number one.
We thought it’d be fun; So we danced with the devil. He Spun me around, But we had no fun. Making you possible was the best thing I’ve ever done. And now that i’ve lost you, Im not so sure if i’ll ever see sun.

This is my chance to make mends, To see if your Dad and I have the same thoughts swirling our heads. Its so scary to think that at the end of the night, We’ll be back home, In our own separate beds.

Everything’s changed. The times, The season, Even my word of reason. Life’s been flipped upside down and throw around. I fell like I’m stuck in a twister; Some days, The only things I want back, Are you and my mister.

I tell everyone, I miss ‘Her’. And always ‘Her’ Is you. And He is ‘Him’. But that always leaves, Just me.

I pray to God that this will give me some closure. I miss you more than anything. Every chance I get; I give your life exposure. I show people you’r picture. I talk about you all the time. And through it all, I’m the only one who knows how badly, I’m not fine. This isn’t fine, It’ll never be fine.

“dont hold onto toxic things”…”Learn to let go, Don’t fester on things, You’ll only make it worse for yourself in the end”

But that’s not how I think of you. You are the last drop of water in ever glass; You are the best bite of ever meal, If only I actually wanted to eat. But everything reminds me of you. I always wonder if you miss me too.

If I could hold the hands of time and run backwards, I would without thinking. You are the only thing I have ever wanted.

Im looking forward to seeing your father. If You want to look for us, We’ll be on a bench in Van Cortland park; Come send us a message if you even want to bother. We’d love to hear from you.

Please keep me safe. I’m always thinking about you. I Love You Layla, My first Daughter.

Layla; He told me that he loves me, And that he loves you. He says he thinks about us all the time. I told him that we do too.

They move; They breathe, That’s not exciting enough to me.

Everywhere I look, I see seas of empty people. All running through the day, Continuing on with their mundane lives. They all act the same. They move, They breathe. I could never be like this; Thats not exciting enough to me.

I can see straight into every soul, Why would you ever want to be alive, But dead inside. Smiles to fake, And feelings to hide.

As all of these people pass me by, I can feel their drive whisked away, They’ve forgotten what it’s like to have passion.Why would you fight your desires.

And I’m over here trying so hard not to break, I go to the same job every single day; Pretend I have no time after to play.

We live for temporary moments, Anything we can do to take away the pain. As soon as that moment passes backward; Were right back where we started.

Whats the point of having temporary moments,
If all it leaves you is broken hearted.

When will people learn to break from their chains, We’ve got more to offer than this, Theres adventure out there, It’s time to make change.

Or gather change together. Travel wont ever be cheap, But think of the adventures along the way; The people you’d meet.

What’s keeping you here anyways? Your one good friend? Your favorite pizza shop down the street?

Stop making excuses, It’s time to move you’r feet. The world never stops, Its turning as we speak. And what are we doing? waiting to fall to sleep? To wakeup and continue a new day set to repeat?

Sometime soon, I’ll break free of my chains, I’ll leave the weights right where they belong, And begin my adventure of; I’m not sure how long.

They all act the same. They move, They breathe. I could never be like this; Thats not exciting enough to me.

Here; With me.

And maybe you’re the reason why I can’t sleep at night. All I keep thinking about is how you would have felt; Here with me. But, What if you’re not?

What if I’m making all of this up as I go along. Depression isn’t real, It’s a mindset; That’s what they always tell me. They want to pump me full of medication to make the pain stop. Thats not a solution, Im not a drain pipe, Clogging my being with foreign bodies wont solve anything.

And so I stay busy. I run around all day long. I spend money on senseless things. I smile at the sky. And I drive way more than any person ever needs to.

I just have to keep moving, If I slow down, The feelings set in. What if you’re the reason why I can’t sleep at night?

Maybe I really am okay, What if I really did turn over a new leaf and I’m holding grudges over nothing.

What If you’re the reason why I can’t sleep at night?

What if, What if, What if; You were here with me; Layla.

 

Cliffhanger; There’s always more than one.

Theres always something standing right on the edge of my tongue. Like a cliffhanger at the end of a movie, No one likes them, And theres always more than one.

Thats basically how my head works too. Iv’e always got something swirling around in circles, Like that Common comparison of someone staring at the washing machine at the Laundromat. Thats basically an exact replication of how my head feels.

No matter how much time passes; I hear the constant ticking of clocks; Just like the clicking of a woman’s heels.

Iv’e Heard it all before, “Let it go, Life goes on”; don’t you get it? Im sick of you’r spiel’s.

Iv’e been caught up in my head and letting things manifest themselves all the way into my bed, So I can’t sleep at night. For me, This is some of the greatest comfort iv’e ever found.

I loose it; Honestly more often than not. Iv’e just gotten so good at “keeping my shit together” That now, Everyone just thinks everything is okay again, Like it’s all back to normal… I guess I’m better at playing pretend than I remember.

I’m usually internally fighting with myself over silly things; Trying to figure out whats important or not. Or even just whats relevant or not. I usually never come to any meaningful type of conclusion, But you damn well know; I tried.

One of the only things that I know to be 100% true, Is that there is always a cliffhanger; Theres always more than one.

Visiting from out of town,

Haven’t you ever wondered; What other people dream of when they slumber. I Haven’t ever been much of a talker, Probably because I’m a sleepwalker.

See for me, Slumber isn’t usually an option.

My face speaks bleak, But my lips look numb.

Tell me how thats even possible; Show me something positive, and not with your thumb.

We’ve all done it before. Tell a little white lie, To get your friend up from crying on their bedroom floor. Rub their back, and tell them that this is exactly what you’re here for.

Somedays you’ll lay there, awake; Staring at the sealing. Caught up in your own mind, without anything appealing.

Most of us would turn to our bed, Cause that’s the place we usually go when we want to rest our head. But what should I do then?

My bed is an empty palace, like when you walk into a hotel room for the first time; everything’s untouched, its cold.

Insomnia is the cousin whose visiting from out of town, that Depression felt obligated to bring to the party.

Haven’t you ever wondered; What other people dream of when they slumber. I Haven’t ever been much of a talker, Probably because I’m a sleepwalker.

Dancing in the Kitchen;

Like new found love, My anxieties sweep me off my feet and dip me so far back; my hair mops the floors in the kitchen late at night.

My anxieties dip me in front of the stove, With the light on. We dance together in the shadows and create music with the rickety old wooden floor boards.

It holds me so tightly, I need a glass of water; I feel a lump in my chest. Im trying to open the fridge for a drink; and she swoops in and spins me around in circles. Now she’s making me dizzy.

It I try to escape her clutch; She pulls me in like the tides at night. Its dark, She’s so much stronger than she looks, And she’s not as much fun as everyone made her seem.

But I need to Get out of here. She fills me with that feeling of  ‘No, Your not supposed to be here, This isn’t where you belong’. But doesn’t she know that love is so bitter sweet; And half the time ‘I hate you’, Really means “I Love You, Save me, Please try harder”.

And so; I dance with her. I dance with her in the morning when I look into the mirror and try so incredibly hard to hold myself together while I get ready for the day.

I dance with her in the middle of the day when I feel like Im forgetting something, And I run around like a toddler hopped on sugar; trying to find things that I haven’t even lost yet. Why are you over thinking?

I dance with her Before bed, When I try to develop a new ‘night time routine’ to help me sleep. But she loves me so much, She loves me awake, She always gets what she wants; And so i don’t sleep.

If Im ever lucky enough to drift off for a while without her noticing, It never lasts long. She’s with me all the time, Even in my dreams.

As usual she gets her way, Now Im afraid to lay back in my bed; So I sleep walk. I always make my way back to the kitchen.

So she can dance with me, Pull me in closely and dip my head; In the Shadows of the Stove light.